Judo Technique

Our First Advanced Concept

This is probably our very first truly advanced concept. Much of the stuff (burden, break, etc...) are honestly rather intermediate concepts. I’m expecting a lot of guys to not really ‘get’ this, but that’s ok

(Note: much of this is based around group dynamics (bar, work, school, etc…) not necessarily one-on-one dates, although it often does apply to that also)

I remember the day the light bulb went off. I was in Minneapolis, beginning what I now in my writings call my ‘Renaissance’. Coming out of my dark ages of Powergaming. I was in a business meeting, my VP & team was meeting the VP/team of another company.

The other VP was super dominant and held frame the entire time. Every thing reframed into his frame. He had a very powerful frame, but somehow I could also sense how he was trying to hold it, how it was important to him. There was not a natural “give-and-take”. My VP was nowhere to be found, so this other guy just dominantly ran roughshod all over the meeting. I remember thinking ‘how are you gonna just let a guy gorilla-tool you like this in front of your team, fight back!!’

Then, about 3/4 thru the meeting, in less than 15 secs my VP quickly, effortlessly, and decisively snatched the frame back. I forget what he said but it was a total killshot. Like, BOOM. My mind blew as I realized... ‘hahaha wowwww he was just choosing to LET him have the frame the whole time’. My VP had been content to just let the other guy do all this displaying, build up all this power, and then in 15 secs just easily take it down. I realized, he had been in power the whole time, and he knew it. He was giving permission for the other guy to hold frame. He hadn’t felt threatened by it (like even I had), he’d spent the rest of the time learning and thinking about all the other more important strategic stuff the whole time, vs being controlled by his own need to control frame this guy and then being side-tracked.

This understanding to me is the dividing line between intermediate & advanced:

Who really has power... the person who has the frame, or the person who is LETTING another person have the frame? Who’s still fighting, and who already won? Who is trying to earn, and who already has so much he’s handing out loans?

So many things in climbing the social intelligence ladder are directly backwards from the level directly below. Things have to be counter-intuitive, so it creates a signal of ‘who is in the know/isnt’. These disguised coverages where A is actually B are very valuable signals. Since knowledge enables real power...no one will clue others in, so the signal keeps value. (except for me here for you guys… which is always fun when guys then use them against me on X for practice. I treat it like a compliment). MOST of my game success is simply by knowing the right signals to put out, this one most of all.

I call this ‘Judo’ bc it uses people’s strength against them. Sumo is that classic dominance that the male brain thinks of. Sumo is “I will exert force, flex power, use threats/overtures/leverage to show my dominance” Judo is “yeah I’m gonna let you do that bc its clearly more important to you than me”. Ie, sumo has a NEED to hold frame; the judo actually IS the frame and, as a gift, is willing to let the needy Sumo feel in charge for a bit. Sumo is the bull, Judo is the matador.

Before we dive into this deep, some examples.

-In the movie Se7en.... Detective Mills (brad pitt) is Sumo. He gets Judo’d by the bad guy (kevin spacey). He knew letting Mills feel in charge was the best way to steer him to what he wanted.

-In the Battle of Gettysburg, it was Lee’s smashing success on Day 1 that spiked his confidence and baited him to catastrophic attacks Day 2/3 he otherwise would not have made. Had the Union army actually done this on purpose, it would have been a brilliant Judo maneuver.

In Judo, we give them the frame. It almost an ambush. Its a test. If their confidence shoots up and they get more & more confident, that tells us he is now giving himself more permission than he was before. He could have already felt that way, but he lacked the confidence too until we gave him permission. We are actually in power here. This is a backdoor way of displaying lack of confidence and its particularly embarrassing for the victim.

My FAVORITE examples of this are shows like ‘Undercover Boss’. The CEO works in the fast-food kitchen, and the fry cook is bossing him around. As the CEO allows it, the fry cook gets cockier and cockier. Then later on, its devastatingly embarrassing for the fry cook when he realizes it was the CEO all along and he was just letting him get away with it. He was the fool with little man’s syndrome who got suckered in by a NEED for dominance, not actually having dominance. Each time he was more unnecessarily dominant, he just dug himself deeper into the trap.

Have you ever been in a social circle where you had the frame... but over the next hour you realize even though YOU have the frame, you are somehow now the most uncool one in the group??? This used to happen to me A LOT. This is us getting Judo’d, as viewed from our own perspective.

The rest of the group recognized that we had a higher need to feel dominant than anyone else, and they gave us that gift bc we’re needier. We think we’re the boss, but actually they granted us permission. We are the taker, and they are the source of value. And over time, as we continue to not add value, our status drops. (and if we start taking more bc we think we are dominant then we are really getting played). Others learn to ‘play along’ with our need for dominance... but in the moment that something REALLY comes up, they will just snatch the frame back quickly.

(Side note this is a major leak in particular twitter account’s game. His need to hold frame makes him easy to lead and control. As his coolness drops, it leads to an internal frustration as to why he is feeling more dominant but being seen as less cool)

My own game is not built to own guys on twitter. Its to be able to de-throne the top dude in a venue with minimal effort: popular promoters, local stars, pro athletes (often retired but still). I often only use 20% of my true skill, and I often let others win bc I know it changes nothing. Among TOP circles, needing to hold frame is weak. Its needy. These groups often leave it there for the taking, just to see who feels the need to grasp it. Its a test, a signal.

Real frame is mostly LATENT power. Frame is not measured by the accumulated time a person has held it, but by its momentary tensile strength at max pressure. Iron vs steel vs titanium, at the moment the hammer strikes. In elite circles, people are more than happy to let someone else put in the effort, energy, etc... to hold it. Then, as needed, show the breaking point of theirs is far higher.

Its a very low effort and streamlined way to show value. Needing to show value is not typically what a person with high value is thinking about. The more and more dominant the sumo is... the more power we will inherit later when we snatch it. Rather than fight him the whole way, we may even choose to encourage and build it. Later, more power is portrayed when we snatch it.

This is NOT done machiavellian. Its not even our purpose or intent. The judo just knows his tensile strength is insanely higher. He truly knows he has power. So he doesn’t feel the need to constantly flex it, which is effort and needy. Why flex it if we didn’t feel threatened? To even think to flex power is not something a person who has it routinely thinks about, his mind is on other things.

Its really only when its needed socially. Two key moments are when sumo starts to create bad emotions in others (break vibe) or directly cause other’s harm. For ex: I was happy to let aforementioned twitter acct hold frame bc I felt like his info was a net positive. When I started to see him purposely give bad advice as a means to hold frame, that was when I stepped in.

We really do want to be using only the very minimal frame that we need to. The real power of the frame is it LATENT power; there the whole time but not used. Each time that we DO try to hold frame, we bleed a bit of power. Why? Bc the decision to do that could only have been triggered by some sort of need or a threat. That sub-communicates a limit I apparently have, beyond which I don’t control something, which is why I am acting. So each time we flex frame, we bleed power bc it shows we feel there are real threats.

This is why these ultra-sumo dominance guys bleed tons of social power. Each overture IS an expression of power... but the trigger for deciding to make that overture must stem from a perceived threat. He must not have much latent power remaining if he feels there are threats he must act against immediately. If a kindergartner insults me, I dont absolutely frame-steamroll him into the ground. Its not a threat bc I have a TON more latent power that I can easily tap. To react strongly to that, is to show I dont have much more left untapped and I need to use it now before this gets beyond what I can actually control.

Same for going on dates and crashing out bc she didn’t respect him. Whether or not you are SHOWING you are in control has nothing to do with whether or not you are ACTUALLY in control. Like my VP who just confidently let it unfold. Its about tensile strength, not accumulated time. Let her get all cocky, act out, get up a head-full of steam... then later use the absolute minimal amount of effort to snatch it back. That tells her ‘wow this fucker coulda easily done this the whole time.... he knew he was fine the whole time, he was just letting me embarrass myself, to test who I really was” It tells her our social intelligence and control is far higher than hers. She can’t even control us into being dominant over her, if we don’t want.

That’s only if he wants her, bc dominance is needed for attraction. If he doesn’t, he doesnt even have to snatch it back and he actually shouldn’t. He should be ok with her walking off thinking she won. It changes nothing, he knows he is really the one in power.

Trying to show he actually was the one in power the whole time shows a need to change her mind to make that belief more real to him. This bleeds Judgment Authority inside himself. (This empowers his own doubt voice bc that voice knows what she thought of him > what he thought of himself. Ie her JA > his. This low value behavior makes his own doubt harder to hold frame against later on (inner game is just holding frame against ourselves). It may feel good at the time but it feeds his doubt ammo for the future. It should not feel good, it should change nothing about how you view yourself bc her view < your view. Strengthening that inner belief muscle vs weakening it is essential.)

In Judo, we want to be as minimally dominant as necessary, and keep as much latent as we can. If we only need to give 1 ounce, we give 1.01 ounces. Flexing with 5 ounces sub-communicates threat, and unnecessarily bleeds power. Also the “highest value” guy in the room isnt even thinking about this stuff at ALL, no more than Bezos is thinking about if he needs to prove he’s the richest guy in the room.

Not needing to hold frame frees our mind up to have our mind where the highest person in the room would actually have his mental focus. Take that one step further... “where would the highest value person in a room of Hollywood stars would have their focus?” He keeps his focus is there all night. Frame is not a concern, he can have it whenever he chooses. Even if he never chooses to, he still was. He doesnt need other’s feedback or submission to prove anything to himself, he’s past that.

Usually, since he assumes he is the leader of the whole room, his focus is on entire room / group cohesion and social collectivity. He sees all the connections in the groups, and understands his judgment is needed by the entire group. He knows he must be ready for his decision making to be needed, so he understands the social picture. Others can run frame, behave dominant, it doesn’t matter. He lets them, bc that is easily handled as needed and his judgment/wisdom is needed for far more important things. The concerns of an actual leader, not someone seeking to be.

This “wisdom” information is being constantly provided based on where and how he shifts his mental focus and these little cues he puts out by where he placed his attention, and his thread choice. Like an executive at a Fortune 50 company. People run and re-run everything he said thru a process of ‘what did that mean? Are you sure? Maybe he actually meant this? Did you think about this case too, it could have meant this?” They cross-analyze everything they said, dissecting it from every angle to extract maximum value from every possible cue to glean their discerned assessment of the situation.

The highest guy knows this is happening. It is literally his whole life. Everything he does is micro-analyzed, and he knows it. The slightest glance, is information that changes things. Every ping he puts out is extraordinarily in-demand information in the venue that is analyzed 100x over. A bad glance could ruin someone’s day or their career. He knows he is already dominant, not needing to prove to himself he is. No one TELLS him to do this. His is not waiting for a cue to do this. His life experience has just told him that is who he is and what is happening. (this btw is also the life of every single hot girl).

Our HV guys has Judgment Authority, but he knows JA still has to fit the environment. Even if we have JA, if we tell everyone in the bar to publicly take off their clothes and do cartwheels, well, we aren’t the JA anymore. Poor judgment removes authority. Understanding this fit, and what the social environment wants/needs is a component to the social leadership role of JA. We are not the leader because WE want to be, or at least not for long. As important as confidence/belief are to JA.... its social fit and resonance is equally key. If someone else’s judgment fits the social environment better.... our confidence alone won’t win that battle. This requires understanding the environment.

Smaller guys have been wasting all night thinking only about themselves, their own small world, enjoying the privilege of a follower to only worry about himself. Thinking they’re dominant and running things. Then, in these short bursts, thru our top man’s focus choice & thread choice, its taken from him. Smallie may try to fight back, but his judgment is not as effortless or as in-tune with the social picture. His fighting to hold frame feels self-serving, and out-of-tune. He is focused on his own dominant status first, not the social good. Where as our top man’s focus is on social good (a position he’s been forced into by the impact of everyone hanging on his every cue), he has the best understanding of the social picture. He has as much frame as is needed but uses restraint to only what is necessary. His statement unleashes a flood of compliance bc it ‘fits’. Smallie is de-throned, either thru raw certainty (classic JA) or thru a superior social vibe solution in that environment (perceptive JA) After, we may choose to give him it back so he can take it over. Let the middle managers run things 99% of the time, executives just pop in as needed.

Women are VERY good at determining who is actually, up the chain, granting permission in an environment and who other people are ultimately taking their cues off of. Sometimes, the JA is very subtle person who on-the-surface doesnt seem dominant at all. Many of the most visually-dominant are actually the guardians of the actual JA, empowered by his permission. That’s bc JA’s have so much latent dominance, they only rarely exert it, and its done quickly thru the cue provided around the placement of their mental focus/thread choice.

Coaching Consults:

https://buymeacoffee.com/anangelofvm/extras

Twitter/X

https://x.com/angeldevenganza

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